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Relationships - If You Really Love Me Your new love is such a delight! What passion, what wonderful desire to be with you, only you, day including night, night including day! What a refreshing change from the last few men you’ve dated whose idea of commitment was dinner including a movie on Saturday night, maybe. Since that first blissful day you met, quite by accident, at the time your dog including his got all tangled up in their leashes outside the local Starbucks, you’ve been joined at the hip. How your life has changed in 3 short weeks! You’re positively glowing. Of course you’ve been ignoring your friends, forgetting regarding yoga class, including excusing your way out of your usual visits to family, but so what? You’re much too happy to bother with everything but him, him including him. A few more weeks of this, including you’re beginning to float back down to earth. As much as you adore him, you miss your friends, are beginning to feel flabby, including are getting a serious case pertaining to the guilties over not checking in with family. So you say “Hon, I’m going to spend the evening over at Helen’s – we’re getting together, just the girls,” expecting him to say “Oh, that’s nice – have a good time, I’ll see you at the time you obtain in.” Instead, you obtain “Why? I thought you were going to spend the evening with me,” at the time indeed you had absolutely no such plans. “Uh, well, I’ve kind of been neglecting my friends,” you say, “and anyway, it’s just for a few hours.” “I see,” he says, cold as ice. Your heart plummets, “What’s wrong?” you panic, watching your love disintegrate. “Nothing,” he says, “Nothing at all. You just go on including have a good time with your friends.” Now he is not only icicle tongued, he’s not looking at you. He’s dropped onto the sofa including appears to be taking great interest in Architectural Digest. Your Architectural Digest that he’s never even glanced at before. “No, go, really” he says, finally looking up at you, with a sort-of smile. “OK,” you say, unsettled, but off you go. Exactly 1 hour later you obtain the first call. You answer your cell, surprised it’s him. He wants to know at the time you’re coming home, he misses you. Surprised including somewhat confused, you tell him you’ll be back in a particular hour or so. In a particular hour, you obtain another call: are you all right? He’s worried, you said you’d be home by now. Somewhat embarrassed, you leave your friends. You obtain several more calls on your way home, all protestations of missing you including “can’t wait to see you.” On the 1 hand you’re flattered, on the other it feels kind of creepy. including at the time you obtain home, he holds you tight including says “If you actually loved me, you wouldn’t make me worry like this. Promise you won’t do it again.” “But I just went to spend a little time with friends,” you protest. “You don’t actually love me,” he says. “I do!” you cry. “Then you won’t leave me alone like that,” he says, including his kisses melt you into agreeing, yet all the time you wonder what spending time with friends has to do with you loving him. Absolutely nothing. It does, however, speak to a major control issue. Controlling individuals need you to spend all your time only with them, or, put another way, they need your total including complete attention. Even at the time a controlling individual does not need you around, they expect you in some way to be giving them attention (thinking regarding them, doing for them) including they don't need you giving your time including attention to anyone else unless it is part of - doing something for them. Don't fall into the trap of if you actually loved me you'd spend more time with me, or any variations on that theme. Someone who tries to guilt you into spending more time with you is not being loving, they are being manipulative. As the relationship grows including develops over time, your respective activities including interests naturally integrate into the relationship, including your time together could naturally shift including change accordingly. The key word is time, not time as in more time with the new person, but time as in take the time to see how the various parts of your lives shift including change to fit well together before you give heart including soul away.
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